“Is it real son, is it really real son? Let me know its real son if it’s really real…” ~ Method Man
Recently, the website MadameNoire published a great article entitled, How This Casual Era of Non-Relationships is Changing Us. My social media circles have been buzzing with discussions of this topic and resulting in a few heated debates. This topic isn’t new, and its one that has been discussed, debated and argued about for a long time. It has been covered so extensively that I’m not going to rehash what a nonrelationship is here. If you need a refresher, I’ve written about them and the fall-out experienced from them in the posts Stealing Pussy and Love on Layaway One thing I think we can all agree on is that nonrelationships are a ‘thing.’ They seem to be a thing, however, that cause more problems than they solve, and make real relationships more difficult to establish and maintain. So, why are they a thing? They’ve become a thing because somewhere along the way we stopped being REAL. This isn’t just about romantic relationships though, this affects every type of relationship we have.
We pay a lot of lip service to being real or keeping it 💯. However, it’s bullshit. We aren’t real with ourselves. How can we be real with someone else, let alone expect them to be real with us? That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. Meanwhile, we end up “keeping it real” in fake ass relationships and wonder why we end up with hurt feelings.
We aren’t delivering the realness we demand in any of our relationships whether they’re romantic, friendship, professional or family. I’ve been there more times than I care to remember. I’ve had my heart broken, broken a few hearts, lost friendships, experienced strained relationships with family members, and had my share of barely tolerable relationships with co-workers. Yet, I thought it was them not me. After all, I was being real. Year after year, dealing with conflict, strained relationships, etc., until finally, the lightbulb went off and I realized that it was me. Dammit!!
Anyone who is into personal development, self-reflection, introspection, or just committed to becoming a better version of themselves, realizes how difficult it is to admit when you’re at fault. It’s hard to do and it’s painful but you can’t change without some discomfort. I did the hard part, so now what? How do I move past this and begin to cultivate healthier relationships? I buckled down and I did the work. I read books, went to therapy, and began journaling daily. I discovered that the framework of a real relationship, no matter what type it is, includes four things: your perspective on relationships, your expectations, authenticity, and love. Over the next couple of weeks or so I’m going to discuss each of these in more detail. If you haven’t already, subscribe so you don’t miss a post. As always, feel free to share with your peeps and/or leave a comment. I love hearing from you guys!