Ladies let’s talk. I know it’s hard out here in these dating streets. However, you’re creating monsters then complaining that they’re terrorizing the village! Every day you’re putting on your sun hat and gardening gloves then heading outside to till and fertilize the soil where you sow the seeds of fuckery. Girl your green thumb is amazing and your harvest is bountiful! The fuckery flourishes and you cry foul when it’s time to reap what you sow. As every good gardener knows, you can’t plant a fig tree and expect to harvest peaches. It’s time to change what you’re planting.
It is your responsibility to teach people how to treat you. Fuck boys are not born they’re made. Men don’t screw you over, you allow them to screw you over. You are sending mixed messages. I hear you proclaiming loudly that you’re a queen and you expect to be treated like one. Meanwhile, the only time you see Ray Ray is after 11pm at your house. Queens do not do booty calls. Girl, STOP! You are doing THE most when you are accepting the absolute LEAST from these men.
We all do what works for us, without question. These men do what they do because it has brought them success. They send unsolicited dick pics because there are women who have seen their pics and decided they wanted to have an up close and personal “look.” Men make booty calls because there are women who are willing to invite them into their homes at midnight or later and have sex with them. Fuck boys are out here fuck boying because there are women who see all the signs but still entertain their antics. You can’t buy a ticket to the circus then get angry when the clowns show up!
By now you all know me and you know that I’m going to give it to you straight, no chaser. I am going to say what needs to be said out of love with no trace of malice. There’s no getting around the fact that the truth often hurts or it makes you uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. Discomfort is a wonderful thing. It’s about to get very uncomfortable as we unpack the reasons why we’re settling for less than we’re worth.
Sistas you have to let go of the fear, the doubt and the feelings that you aren’t good enough. It’s okay, there’s no judgment here. We have all had those feelings at one time or another. Often, the feelings are so deep within our subconscious we aren’t aware of them. You’ve been single for so long you’re afraid you may never find anyone.
When that married/attached man comes along telling you how beautiful you are, how much they want you – you entertain the conversation. Shut that shit down! You deserve better. If you tell him no and he continues to make inappropriate comments and advances you need to cut all ties. As long as you’re willing to converse with him he has hope that he can change your mind. He is demonstrating that he has no respect for you or his wife/girlfriend. By continuing to talk to him you’re demonstrating that attention is more important to you than respect.
That man who you are head over heels for who friend zoned you – let him go. You don’t have to be his friend if you want more, just as he doesn’t have to be your man if he only wants to be your friend. Stop with the, “Well, I knew he was out of my league when I started liking him. I’m just happy he at least wants to be friends.” Don’t let me hear you say that bullshit again! He isn’t out of your “league.” He isn’t better than you! You aren’t less of a woman because you weren’t the woman he wanted to be in a relationship with! You are perfectly within your rights to tell him that attempting to be his friend would be too painful while you still have unresolved romantic feelings for him.
The booty calls have to stop Love. I don’t give a damn what Betty Wright says, half a man is not better than no man at all! You deserve better, you can demand better and you can, and should, walk away if you aren’t offered better. You say you’re a queen so act like it! You’ll never find your king if you’re wasting time fucking around with the court jester! Lower your skirt and raise your standards. I promise if you do the quality of the man you attract will improve.