Relationships

How You Gonna Win When You Ain’t Right Within?

 

Single ladies check in because this one is for you. Today, August 21st, 2017, America is experiencing a solar eclipse. Eclipses typically signal that change is coming. According to astrologers the theme for this particular eclipse is breakthroughs. Today, hopefully, I’m going to help you make an important discovery of your own. Today we’re going to take a look in the mirror, do some self-reflecting and make a few changes. This is going to make you uncomfortable and I’m glad. If you’re comfortable you’re not growing and growth is necessary. Don’t worry, I’m right here. You don’t have to do this alone – I got you.

Why are you single? These ninjas ain’t shit! Because it’s heau season, heaux out here winning and I ain’t a heau. Okay, some dudes ain’t shit, I’ll give you that. Some women in relationships may be/have been heaux, I’ll give you that too. What does that have to do with you and why you’re single? I’ll wait. Newsflash, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you and why you are single. Some of y’all are single, in part, because you’re making permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances. To put it a different way, you are knocking good men out of the running based on their current circumstances which can and in most cases will change. Let me explain.

You’ve met someone. He’s handsome, gainfully employed and a gentleman. He’s a great conversationalist and you enjoy your time together. There’s definite potential here! One day, he mentions during a conversation that they’re repaving the parking lot at his apartment complex. Apartment complex?! How can he not own a home at his age?! Immediately his stock drops and you’re no longer interested. Had you put your bias aside and not written him off, you would have learned a couple of things. He once owned a home with his wife. After their divorce, he made the decision to allow his ex-wife to have the house and raise their children in it. Though he has chosen to rent an apartment, he owns two rental properties that are generating him a very nice passive income monthly. Oops, your bad. Remember the cutie you wrote off because he only earned $40,000/yr as a non-degreed blue-collar worker? Oh, and let us not forget the dedicated teacher with bad credit. Do you see the problem yet?

Sis, there is nothing wrong with wanting a gorgeous, educated, high-earning, home owning boo with great credit. However, you are making a habit of throwing the baby out with the bath water! If a man does not meet one or more of these criteria it does not diminish his value as a man. A home can be purchased at any point in the future. Credit scores can be improved. Promotions and degrees can be earned and better jobs can be found. You have to stop placing so much importance on things that can be changed, some of them in 30 days or less.

Now here comes the hard part. You need to do a bit of self-examination and determine why you are doing this. Is your self-worth tied up in your accomplishments? Do you view yourself as more of a catch because you’re degreed, own a home, have good credit and/or have a high-paying job? If you do, own it – then stop that shit right now!! Your value cannot and should not be measured solely by what you have accomplished. I’m going to say it again for the folks in the cheap seats – your value cannot and should not be measured solely by what you have accomplished. There are many intangible qualities that define your worth – loyalty, tenacity, dedication, intelligence, self-awareness – get the idea? Once you truly believe and embrace that truth for yourself you’ll be able to stop judging men on that basis. I promise you, once that change is made, you will find yourself winning too.

— Jae

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