Happy Friday!! Welcome to the next installment in the series, “The four men you date in your 40’s.” So far this week we’ve discussed the 40+-year-old fuckboy and Mr. Inconsistent. Today we’re taking a look at The Old Flame. If you need to bring yourself up to speed before we get started just scroll to the bottom of the page to find links to the earlier posts. I’ll wait.
*Hums the Jeopardy theme song*
Alright, let’s keep it moving. Girlfriend, you are tired. Exhausted. Drained. You’re wondering why no one ever told you dating would be this hard. You’re ready to give up. First things first. You take a long soak in the tub then brew yourself a cup of ginger peach green tea. You grab your laptop, pull up the Pink Cherry website and begin shopping for a battery operated boyfriend. As you’re browsing the site trying to decide between a Pocket Rocket or a Rabbit you receive a Facebook notification. Hmm, a friend request. You open it and your heart stops in your chest – it’s the love of your life whom you haven’t seen since you last dated over twenty years ago! You quickly accept the request then grab your cell phone to shoot off a text message to your bestie – “Guess who just sent me a friend request!!”
It isn’t long before you hear that familiar Facebook Messenger notification tone. Yup, it’s him! You open the message and fall head over heels into the past. You two chat for an hour catching up as you sit there soaking up the compliments, “Damn girl you still look good! You haven’t aged a bit!” You blush and giggle like you’re 14 not 44 and finally type the question that will change everything, “Sooo are you single?” He is. He’s divorced. JACKPOT!! You head off to bed doing a little two-step while humming Shalamar’s ‘Second Time Around.’
It isn’t long before you two become an item. The familiarity and comfort you have with him cause you to overlook major red flags. He asks you out and you tell him that you have plans after work with your co-workers. He seems a little angry but quickly composes himself. You return home later that evening to find him sitting in his car in front of your house. “Aw he missed me,” you think to yourself. You invite him in and he immediately begins giving you the third-degree. You let him know you don’t appreciate it and he quickly hugs you saying, “I’m so sorry but I can’t help it. I just found you after all these years and I don’t want to lose you again.” Your anger quickly dissipates and you assure him that you aren’t going anywhere.
As time goes on things get worse, not better. He often questions your whereabouts, demands to know who you’re talking to when you’re on the phone and hovers over your shoulder when you’re on the computer. He doesn’t like your friends and attempts to monopolize all of your time. In the beginning, when you pushed back he would retreat, offering apologies and saying he just couldn’t help himself because he loves you so much. Now he flies into a rage, ranting, and raving, and suddenly you remember why you and he didn’t work out. His jealousy and possessiveness killed your relationship the first time around. You let him know this isn’t going to work and he angrily replies, “I should have known this would happen! You women are all alike! You’re just like my third wife!!” “Hold up! WAAAIT!,” you reply in your Nate Dogg voice. THIRD wife?! Did this kneegrow say the THIRD wife?! Oh HELL no!! You hold the door open for him and wish him well as he exits. He isn’t even behind the wheel of his car before he’s been blocked and deleted.
Three down and one more to go! The series concludes tomorrow with Mr. Desperate Dater. You can find the ‘Follow’ button on the homepage. Make sure you click it so you’ll be notified when the next post drops. Remember, sharing is caring!
Other posts in this series: